| Course | BUS 225 Critical Business Skills for Success |
|---|---|
| Module | Module 5 |
| Paper type | undergraduate assignment revising a business message for audience and purpose |
| Length | About 1,010 words, 6 pages |
| Format | APA 7 student paper |
| School | Southern New Hampshire University |
| Program | BS Business Administration |
| Updated | October 2026 |
Free sample paper for BUS 225 Module 5
Revising a Message to the Owner
[Student Name]
Southern New Hampshire University
BUS 225: Critical Business Skills for Success
Module Five Assignment
[Instructor Name]
[Date]
The organization, setting and figures below are a composite written as a model document. No real employer, client, colleague or patient is described.
Revising a Message to the Owner
Introduction
After three weeks of analysis, the new operations analyst had a finding the owner might not welcome: the rise in callbacks traced mostly to a cheaper perimeter product he had approved in March and to a customer text that had been discontinued, not to technicians becoming careless, as he believed. She drafted an email to tell him. This paper presents that first draft, analyzes the owner as a reader, offers a revision and explains each change.
The First Draft
The first draft was 420 words with the subject line "Callback analysis update." It began, "As you know, I have been working on the callback issue for the past three weeks. I started by exporting the service records, which had about 31,400 rows, and found that the callback codes were inconsistent, so I combined them." Four paragraphs described the cleaning and the comparisons. The conclusion appeared in the final paragraph: "So it looks like the product change might be a factor, along with some other things." It ended, "Let me know what you think."
The draft was accurate and showed real effort. But it was organized around what the writer did, in the order she did it, rather than around what the reader needed. Organizing around the writer rather than the reader is among the most frequent faults in early professional writing (Bovée & Thill, 2021).
The Reader
The owner founded the company thirty-eight years ago, knows every technician by name and believes in his team even as he worries they have slipped. He approved the product change to save money during a tight year. He reads email on his phone between appointments and rarely scrolls past the first screen. He respects directness and dislikes being managed. The email therefore has to deliver its main point on the first screen, acknowledge his concern for quality without suggesting he was foolish, and give him one clear decision to make.
The Revision
Subject: Callbacks traced mainly to the new perimeter product
Good morning. The data point to the March product switch, not technician effort, as the main reason callbacks rose.
I know you have been concerned about quality, and I looked hard at the technicians first. Their callbacks rose only on perimeter treatments, the service using the new product, and they rose in the month the product changed. Perimeter callbacks went from 5 percent to 13 percent; interior callbacks stayed at 6 percent.
A second, smaller cause is the post-treatment text we stopped sending last fall. More than a third of recent callbacks found no pests at all.
I recommend we restore the text this week and test the old product on half the routes for two months. Could I have fifteen minutes Thursday to walk you through it? The full analysis is attached.
Explaining the Choices
The subject line now states the finding, so the owner knows the news before opening the message. The first sentence gives the main point, following the direct approach Garner (2012) recommends for busy readers: put the bottom line first. The second paragraph opens by acknowledging the owner's concern, which signals respect and shows that his explanation was tested fairly, before giving the evidence that points elsewhere.
Only one comparison is included, the one that most clearly separates the explanations. Knaflic (2015) advises choosing the single number that carries the message rather than showing everything, and the five-to-thirteen contrast does that. The cleaning steps, the other comparisons and the limitations went into the attached report, where the owner can find them if he wants them.
The tone avoids blame. The email never says the owner made a mistake; it says the data point to the product switch. It also avoids hedging the evidence, replacing "might be a factor, along with some other things" with a clear statement. The close replaces "Let me know what you think" with a specific request for fifteen minutes on Thursday, which is easier to say yes to and moves the decision forward.
First draft compared with revision
| Feature | First draft | Revision |
|---|---|---|
| Length | 420 words | 170 words |
| Main point | Last paragraph, hedged | First sentence, stated plainly |
| Subject line | Callback analysis update | Callbacks traced mainly to the new perimeter product |
| Evidence | Every step of the analysis | One comparison, report attached |
| Close | Let me know what you think | A specific request for a meeting |
Choosing the Channel
Before revising, the analyst considered whether email was the right channel at all. News that contradicts a founder's belief about his own people might be better delivered in person, where tone can be read and questions answered. She chose email for the first contact because the owner is rarely in the office before noon and because a short written message lets him absorb the finding privately before discussing it. The request for a fifteen-minute meeting on Thursday makes the email a preview rather than the whole conversation. Channels can be chosen by how much richness a message needs (Bovée & Thill, 2021); a sensitive finding needs a rich channel eventually, but a short, respectful email is a reasonable way to open it.
Anticipating the Reply
The analyst also prepared for the likely responses. If the owner replied that technicians were still at fault, she would point to the step change in perimeter callbacks in the month the product changed, which effort would not explain. If he worried about the cost of the old product, she had the figure ready: about $11,000 a year against $62,000 in callback costs. If he asked why she had not raised it sooner, she would explain that she wanted the evidence complete before taking his time. Preparing these answers kept the email short, because she did not need to argue every point in writing.
Conclusion
The revised email delivers difficult news in a way a busy owner can read in thirty seconds, respects his concern and makes the next step easy. The analysis did not change; the organization, length and tone did. That is the difference between writing that records work and writing that gets a decision made.
References
Bovée, C. L., & Thill, J. V. (2021). Business communication today (15th ed.). Pearson.
Garner, B. A. (2012). HBR guide to better business writing. Harvard Business Review Press.
Knaflic, C. N. (2015). Storytelling with data: A data visualization guide for business professionals. Wiley.
What the BUS 225 Module 5 instructions ask for
The Module Five assignment in BUS 225 asks you to write or revise a professional business message, often an email, memo or letter, for a specific audience and purpose. You may be asked to analyze the audience, choose an organization suited to the message, adjust tone and explain your choices. Strong submissions show the difference between writing that records what the writer did and writing that tells the reader what they need to know. They handle sensitive news with care, put the main point and any request early, and keep the message as short as the reader needs. The explanation of choices matters as much as the message itself.
How this BUS 225 Module 5 business writing assignment example is built
The paper begins with the analyst's 420-word first draft, which walks through the data cleaning, the comparisons and the results before reaching its conclusion in the last paragraph. It analyzes the owner as a reader: busy, proud of his team, reads email on his phone between jobs and approved the product change himself. The revised email is 170 words. Its subject line states the finding; the first sentence gives the main point; the second acknowledges the owner's concern; one number supports the finding; and a single request closes it. The paper explains each change and how the tone respects the owner without softening the evidence. It also explains why email was chosen as the first channel and how the analyst prepared for the owner's reply.
Where the BUS 225 Module 5 rubric puts the points
For the writing assignment, instructors typically score audience analysis, organization, clarity and concision, tone, mechanics and the explanation of choices. Strong submissions define the reader precisely, choose a direct or indirect approach for good reasons, keep sentences and paragraphs short, and use tone that respects the reader while delivering difficult news honestly. They explain choices with reference to writing principles rather than personal preference. Papers lose credit for messages that bury the main point, for tone that is either blunt or evasive, for including every detail the writer knows and for explanations that only describe the message instead of justifying it. Some rubrics also ask you to compare the original and revised versions directly, which a short table does well.
BUS 225 Module 5 help: the mistakes that cost points
Revisions often make a message more polished without making it more useful. Ask what the reader needs to know and do, and put that first. Cut detail the reader does not need; it can go in an attachment. When the news is unwelcome, acknowledge the reader's view before presenting the evidence, but do not hedge the evidence itself. Read the message on a phone screen, since many managers will. In your explanation, connect each choice to a principle from the course, such as audience, purpose or tone. Prepare for the reader's likely reply, because knowing your answers lets you keep the message itself short.
Get BUS 225 Module 5 written to your instructions
Send the BUS 225 Module 5 assignment and your draft or scenario. The paper will analyze audience and purpose, rewrite the message and explain each revision choice clearly. About two days; your first paper is free. The paper above is an original model document written by our desk, not a submitted student paper and not an official Southern New Hampshire University document.
More BUS 225 papers and related BS Business Administration samples
- BUS 225 Module 1 Discussion: The Skills an Employer Notices First
- BUS 225 Module 2 Critical Thinking Assignment: What the Callback Problem Really Is
- BUS 225 Module 3 Data Analysis Assignment: Reading a Year of Service Records
- BUS 225 Module 4 Project One: A Problem Analysis Report
- ACC 427 Module 3 Data Analysis Assignment: Voids, Gaps and the 3 p.m. Pattern
- ACC 315 Module 5 Database Design Assignment: An REA Model and Tables for Deliveries
- PSY 365 Module 7 Power, Influence and Ethics Analysis
- BUS 210 Module 6 Organizational Structure Assignment
BUS 225 Module 5 questions, answered
Where can I find a free BUS 225 Module 5 Business Writing sample?
This page includes a complete BUS 225 Module 5 email revision for a pest control company's owner, with each choice explained.
What is the direct approach in business writing?
Stating the main point or request at the start of the message and following it with supporting details, used when the reader is likely to be receptive or busy.
How should bad news be delivered in a business email?
Clearly and respectfully: acknowledge the reader's perspective, state the news and the evidence plainly, avoid blame and point to a constructive next step.
How long should a business email be?
As short as the reader needs to understand and act; many effective emails fit on one phone screen, with detail placed in an attachment.
Why does audience analysis matter in business writing?
Because the reader's role, knowledge, concerns and reading habits determine what to say first, how much detail to include and what tone to use.